So it's Father's Day and it hit me earlier that this is my 18th without my dad. It's hard to believe its been that long and strange that it never seems to get any easier. I thought about going to the cemetery today but I always leave there feeling sad and depressed so I just wasn't up for it. He died very suddenly and tragically when I was 13 and it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. With God's help, however, I made it and have no doubt it gave me the strength to deal with anything. I still miss him so much and find myself wondering what he would say about certain things if he were here...the encouragement he'd give or the advice he might offer. He wasn't here to see me graduate, walk me down the aisle at my wedding or meet his granddaughters. I have no doubt though that he has been up there watching over us and is very proud.
Though this holiday was a sad one for me for many years, the past few have gotten increasingly better thanks to my husband. I find myself enjoying it through him and my girls. I absolutely love the relationship they have. I see him doing things with them and often think "Oh I remember doing that with Daddy". The bond little girls form with their daddies is so precious and I feel blessed that I had it at least for a little while.
Yesterday my husband took off work so he and I and the girls could enjoy a family day at the lake. This was our Father's Day celebration with him and it was a perfect day. Seeing him talking with them, letting them drive the boat, putting them on his shoulders to jump in the water. These are the memories our girls will have when they grow up. I know because it's what I remember. It's not the toys he bought me...it's the time he spent with me and my brothers. We would go to the park or movies, he'd play Candy Land or cards with us and we could talk about anything. I see these same things with my husband and girls. The way he shows them how to hold a bat for the perfect swing, takes them fishing and goes to every event he can of theirs. He's an amazing father.
We took him out to eat last night then came home and the girls gave him his presents. Makayla made him something at school a month ago and has been hiding it in her room, anxiously awaiting this day when she could finally give him this gift she had worked so hard on. It was a cd with her picture on one side and her hand print on the other. She had decorated it with police car stickers and I don't think he's ever gotten a gift that meant more to him. It was very touching how much he truly loved getting this from her.
So now Father's Day is just about over and even though I wish I could have spent it with my dad. I'm grateful that I get to spend it with such an awesome husband and father. I also have a wonderful Father-in-law who has been like a dad to me from the beginning. He is the kind of man you can always count on and who loves his family unconditionally. I love him dearly and am so thankful for the exceptional example he provided for my husband growing up and the one he continues to provide for us both. So to them and all the other father's, grandfathers, and fathers-to-be...Happy Father's Day!
