So it's Father's Day and it hit me earlier that this is my 18th without my dad. It's hard to believe its been that long and strange that it never seems to get any easier. I thought about going to the cemetery today but I always leave there feeling sad and depressed so I just wasn't up for it. He died very suddenly and tragically when I was 13 and it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. With God's help, however, I made it and have no doubt it gave me the strength to deal with anything. I still miss him so much and find myself wondering what he would say about certain things if he were here...the encouragement he'd give or the advice he might offer. He wasn't here to see me graduate, walk me down the aisle at my wedding or meet his granddaughters. I have no doubt though that he has been up there watching over us and is very proud.
Though this holiday was a sad one for me for many years, the past few have gotten increasingly better thanks to my husband. I find myself enjoying it through him and my girls. I absolutely love the relationship they have. I see him doing things with them and often think "Oh I remember doing that with Daddy". The bond little girls form with their daddies is so precious and I feel blessed that I had it at least for a little while.
Yesterday my husband took off work so he and I and the girls could enjoy a family day at the lake. This was our Father's Day celebration with him and it was a perfect day. Seeing him talking with them, letting them drive the boat, putting them on his shoulders to jump in the water. These are the memories our girls will have when they grow up. I know because it's what I remember. It's not the toys he bought me...it's the time he spent with me and my brothers. We would go to the park or movies, he'd play Candy Land or cards with us and we could talk about anything. I see these same things with my husband and girls. The way he shows them how to hold a bat for the perfect swing, takes them fishing and goes to every event he can of theirs. He's an amazing father.
We took him out to eat last night then came home and the girls gave him his presents. Makayla made him something at school a month ago and has been hiding it in her room, anxiously awaiting this day when she could finally give him this gift she had worked so hard on. It was a cd with her picture on one side and her hand print on the other. She had decorated it with police car stickers and I don't think he's ever gotten a gift that meant more to him. It was very touching how much he truly loved getting this from her.
So now Father's Day is just about over and even though I wish I could have spent it with my dad. I'm grateful that I get to spend it with such an awesome husband and father. I also have a wonderful Father-in-law who has been like a dad to me from the beginning. He is the kind of man you can always count on and who loves his family unconditionally. I love him dearly and am so thankful for the exceptional example he provided for my husband growing up and the one he continues to provide for us both. So to them and all the other father's, grandfathers, and fathers-to-be...Happy Father's Day!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
A few days to relax
Well this 3 day weekend is wrapping up and it has been very laid back yet surprisingly productive. Ball season has wound down so my schedule is clearing up significantly! Friday evening we attended Makayla's end of the season t-ball team party. It was a pool party, she had an awesome time and left with her very first trophy. She got a medal for biddy-ball but she's been anticipating an actual trophy for some time now. I'm happy to report as soon as we walked in the door it had a nice new home on her shelf right next to her team photo!
Saturday there was absolutely nowhere I had to go which was so nice since it's been months since there's been nothing on the agenda. I took advantage of this by giving my house some attention. Bathtubs/sinks/toilets scrubbed (yuck), furniture moved and vacuumed under (I think I found enough crayons to make a whole new box), couch steamed, all rugs & bath mats cleaned and then I tackled my biggest challenge...Makayla's room. It's amazing to me how much stuff a person who has been alive for less than 5 years has accumulated! I try to stress that everything has a place and should be kept there but she seems to think that place is the floor and all things belong there. By the end of the day everything was clean...even the dog got a bath!
Sunday we went to church, came home and did some laundry then Mak, Bailey (the dog) and I headed to the park where we were able to meet up with the hubby. His hours and days off allow no time for family fun on the weekends so this is how we improvise! Today has been pretty laid back. We washed my car earlier and now we're just "chillaxing" as my step-daughter would say!
Now it's time to plan the summer calendar and more things seem to keep popping up so I'm glad we had a few days to relax.Tomorrow I go back to work and Mak goes back to school for her last day. Then she's out for the summer and back to daycare. Swim lessons will be in a couple of weeks, I'm trying to plan a trip to visit my grandmother in Hot Springs, family reunions, camping for the girls with their grandmother...and of course we have to find some time for my husband to take off so we can hit the lake (my favorite summer activity)!
Saturday there was absolutely nowhere I had to go which was so nice since it's been months since there's been nothing on the agenda. I took advantage of this by giving my house some attention. Bathtubs/sinks/toilets scrubbed (yuck), furniture moved and vacuumed under (I think I found enough crayons to make a whole new box), couch steamed, all rugs & bath mats cleaned and then I tackled my biggest challenge...Makayla's room. It's amazing to me how much stuff a person who has been alive for less than 5 years has accumulated! I try to stress that everything has a place and should be kept there but she seems to think that place is the floor and all things belong there. By the end of the day everything was clean...even the dog got a bath!
Sunday we went to church, came home and did some laundry then Mak, Bailey (the dog) and I headed to the park where we were able to meet up with the hubby. His hours and days off allow no time for family fun on the weekends so this is how we improvise! Today has been pretty laid back. We washed my car earlier and now we're just "chillaxing" as my step-daughter would say!
Now it's time to plan the summer calendar and more things seem to keep popping up so I'm glad we had a few days to relax.Tomorrow I go back to work and Mak goes back to school for her last day. Then she's out for the summer and back to daycare. Swim lessons will be in a couple of weeks, I'm trying to plan a trip to visit my grandmother in Hot Springs, family reunions, camping for the girls with their grandmother...and of course we have to find some time for my husband to take off so we can hit the lake (my favorite summer activity)!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
So Mother's Day weekend is winding down and it was busy as usual. This morning Makayla woke me up bright and early, eager for pancakes and to show me my Mother's Day presents. She didn't even feel that waiting on her sister to get up was necessary. We did, however, wait for Kaitlyn and when she got up (only 5 minutes later!) I opened a beautiful "#1 Mom" locket with matching earrings and a heart shaped plaque that reads "Mom, I love you more each day". Such sweet girls I have! I'm truly blessed to have them.
My relationship with my own mother is a bit more complicated. We're not the mother and daughter who are best friends and do everything together. We've never been what you'd call "close" I guess and for the longest time it really bothered me. It wasn't until I became a mother myself that I realized nobody will ever love you the way your momma does. Maybe we don't see eathother very often or talk every day but at the end of the day she's my mother and I love her. I do wish at times we were closer but it is what it is. I know a lot of people who've lost their moms and I know how lucky I am that mine is still here. Thinking about that makes me realize I shouldn't take that for granted.
She and I are very different, we like different things, have different priorities and sometimes the common ground is just difficult for us to find. Now that I'm older though I look back and have a new respect and appreciation for her. When she was my age, she was a divorced single mom raising 3 kids and going to school. She did the best she knew how. I can look at her now and just feel love for her and accept that even though we may not be as close as other mothers and daughters, that mother-daughter bond is still there and always will be.
As a mother myself, I do want to have that close relationship with my own daughter. I want her to feel that she can come to me no matter what and always talk to me. I love her unconditionally and I don't think you can even understand that concept until you become a parent. From day one this little person counted on me for every single need she had. She's getting older now (almost 5) and she's already wanting more independence. She can do so much for herself now so when I do get to do things for her it makes me feel needed. I know the older she gets, the less I get to do so I'm holding on to all of these little moments. I have a box full of pictures she's drawn for me, a drawer full of keepsakes and a book full of memories.
One day she's going to be a mom herself and I hope that everything I'm doing now will make her a strong, caring and compassionate woman who will teach her own children the same. When we first brought her home from the hospital I would just hold her for hours and couldn't believe God had put me in charge of this tiny little person. People said I was going to "spoil" her with all the holding but I didn't care...I just couldn't put her down! I hope she always knows how deeply I love her and how nothing could ever change that love. My own mother used to tell me that and I just couldn't fully grasp it until I was a mom myself.
I had lunch with my mom today and we're to a point now where I don't feel like I have to try and make small talk or try to impress her. We're in a place where we're comfortable. We ate, we gave her her gift, hugged, said good-bye and "I love you". And that's finally enough for me. No need to try to make it more than it needs to be. It just boils down to the fact that despite our differences, that love is there and always will be. So to all my fellow moms and step-moms and the moms to be who get to experience this amazing journey called motherhood: Happy Mother's Day!
My relationship with my own mother is a bit more complicated. We're not the mother and daughter who are best friends and do everything together. We've never been what you'd call "close" I guess and for the longest time it really bothered me. It wasn't until I became a mother myself that I realized nobody will ever love you the way your momma does. Maybe we don't see eathother very often or talk every day but at the end of the day she's my mother and I love her. I do wish at times we were closer but it is what it is. I know a lot of people who've lost their moms and I know how lucky I am that mine is still here. Thinking about that makes me realize I shouldn't take that for granted.
She and I are very different, we like different things, have different priorities and sometimes the common ground is just difficult for us to find. Now that I'm older though I look back and have a new respect and appreciation for her. When she was my age, she was a divorced single mom raising 3 kids and going to school. She did the best she knew how. I can look at her now and just feel love for her and accept that even though we may not be as close as other mothers and daughters, that mother-daughter bond is still there and always will be.
As a mother myself, I do want to have that close relationship with my own daughter. I want her to feel that she can come to me no matter what and always talk to me. I love her unconditionally and I don't think you can even understand that concept until you become a parent. From day one this little person counted on me for every single need she had. She's getting older now (almost 5) and she's already wanting more independence. She can do so much for herself now so when I do get to do things for her it makes me feel needed. I know the older she gets, the less I get to do so I'm holding on to all of these little moments. I have a box full of pictures she's drawn for me, a drawer full of keepsakes and a book full of memories.
One day she's going to be a mom herself and I hope that everything I'm doing now will make her a strong, caring and compassionate woman who will teach her own children the same. When we first brought her home from the hospital I would just hold her for hours and couldn't believe God had put me in charge of this tiny little person. People said I was going to "spoil" her with all the holding but I didn't care...I just couldn't put her down! I hope she always knows how deeply I love her and how nothing could ever change that love. My own mother used to tell me that and I just couldn't fully grasp it until I was a mom myself.
I had lunch with my mom today and we're to a point now where I don't feel like I have to try and make small talk or try to impress her. We're in a place where we're comfortable. We ate, we gave her her gift, hugged, said good-bye and "I love you". And that's finally enough for me. No need to try to make it more than it needs to be. It just boils down to the fact that despite our differences, that love is there and always will be. So to all my fellow moms and step-moms and the moms to be who get to experience this amazing journey called motherhood: Happy Mother's Day!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wouldn't change a thing...
Well writing every week has been a harder goal to maintain than I originally thought. Since my last post 2 weeks ago, I've been going nonstop. There were ball practices and Kaitlyn's tournament last weekend, work has been busy as usual and of course trying to stay on track with work-outs. Luckily, since my post about my struggle with the work-out thing, my sweet husband got my treadmill back. It has made its way throughout the family but has finally come home to me! Doing the weight machine definitely works my muscles but walking/jogging on the good ol' treadmill just leaves me feeling like I've done more for some reason. Maybe it's because I actually break a sweat and feel like I'm going to die by the time I get off that thing!
This week also found my husband with a pulled neck muscle. I know he is really hurting when he actually agrees to see a doctor! He seems to be doing a little better now but may need to see an orthopedic doctor if not completely better by the end of the week. When we picked up Kaitlyn Friday, she was feeling bad too...allergies and low-grade fever. Chicken soup and tylenol every few hours have worked their magic and she was feeling up to church this morning.
She was not up to softball practice yesterday but last night we went outside for a bit and she was hitting the ball as I threw it to her and she hit one right into my leg! Now I have a lovely black and blue calf and I think she felt worse about it than I did because I had to keep telling her it was ok and it was just an accident. The good thing about being homebound yesterday was that I got so much done. The cleaning fairy in me really came out! Bathtubs and sinks scrubbed, dresser drawers organized with Spring clothes, all laundry done, complete house vacumed/swept! Even made some hamburger soup in the crock pot which turned out excellent, if I do say so myself.
Now today we are just taking it easy and getting ready for another busy week. It's Spring break and Makayla is leaving tomorrow to go with her grandmother to Great Wolf. I'm excited for her but a little sad since this is her first out-of-town trip without me. When she gets back we'll have more t-ball practice and her Opening Ceremony is this coming weekend. After that we'll have games every week through the end of May! I made out a calendar and there are some weeks we have games 4 nights a week. It's crazy busy sometimes but I love it and wouldn't change a thing (except maybe there could be a REAL cleaning fairy)!
This week also found my husband with a pulled neck muscle. I know he is really hurting when he actually agrees to see a doctor! He seems to be doing a little better now but may need to see an orthopedic doctor if not completely better by the end of the week. When we picked up Kaitlyn Friday, she was feeling bad too...allergies and low-grade fever. Chicken soup and tylenol every few hours have worked their magic and she was feeling up to church this morning.
She was not up to softball practice yesterday but last night we went outside for a bit and she was hitting the ball as I threw it to her and she hit one right into my leg! Now I have a lovely black and blue calf and I think she felt worse about it than I did because I had to keep telling her it was ok and it was just an accident. The good thing about being homebound yesterday was that I got so much done. The cleaning fairy in me really came out! Bathtubs and sinks scrubbed, dresser drawers organized with Spring clothes, all laundry done, complete house vacumed/swept! Even made some hamburger soup in the crock pot which turned out excellent, if I do say so myself.
Now today we are just taking it easy and getting ready for another busy week. It's Spring break and Makayla is leaving tomorrow to go with her grandmother to Great Wolf. I'm excited for her but a little sad since this is her first out-of-town trip without me. When she gets back we'll have more t-ball practice and her Opening Ceremony is this coming weekend. After that we'll have games every week through the end of May! I made out a calendar and there are some weeks we have games 4 nights a week. It's crazy busy sometimes but I love it and wouldn't change a thing (except maybe there could be a REAL cleaning fairy)!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Kicking off the season...
I never played sports so it’s a little surprising to me that I enjoy watching them play so much. I often wonder if I had played would I maybe not have been such a shy kid. I look at how Mak is so outgoing and it’s so amazing to me. She just has that personality where even at 4 years old she can talk to anyone. I still can’t do that!
 |
| Very first time on the field! |
It’s been such a busy week that I didn’t even have time to write yesterday. T-ball and softball practices have started for the girls and it’s an exciting time. This is Makayla’s first year to play and at her first practice Monday night she was doing great. Just like her sister, she seems to be a natural athlete. We got to watch Kaitlyn practice Friday night and seeing how hard she works and how good she is makes us so proud.
 |
| Kaitlyn's team won first place last year! |
 |
| Mak at biddy-ball! |
I figured that putting her in a variety of different activities would help her avoid my shyness problem and meet new people, develop hobbies and let her find her niche. First we tried gymnastics and she really enjoyed it but after about a year, she seemed to just get tired of it and didn’t want to go anymore. We tried dance and after 4 weeks she said she did not want to do it. Last fall we gave soccer a shot which was her first sport and she really liked it. Next we did biddy-ball and even though she was the smallest kid out there, she loved it. She got her first medal and was so proud. So now we are giving T-ball a shot and even after only 2 practices I think this is going to be her best and favorite sport.
 |
| Mak at soccer! |
As long as she’s having fun though, that’s the main thing. I never want to be that mom who makes her kid play. I’m not trying to live through her, I genuinely enjoy seeing her and Kaitlyn out there having a great time. I think its giving them confidence and building self-esteem. This is something they can continue to do as they’re growing up and even through college if they want. This will be Kaitlyn’s 3rd year to play, she even made All-Stars last year. She’s got a tournament coming up this weekend and we’re really looking forward to kicking off the season!
 |
| Kaitlyn at All-Stars last summer! |
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Third Time's the Charm...
Hard to believe we're a week into March already. Changing all the calendars this week got me thinking back to 10 weeks ago (yes we're actually 10 weeks into 2011!) when I made my New Year's Resolution. Like millions of other people, I went with the good old cliche' of "get in shape". I wish it had been more original, more creative...maybe take a dance class, start scrapbooking, learn to paint...something, anything other than this again. You see this has been my resolution for the past 3 years!
It's not that I don't WANT to do it It's just been hard to accept that I actually NEED to do it. It was never an issue when I was younger, I ate what I wanted, never exercised and life was good. Then we decided to have a baby. I had Makayla in August 2006, got a treadmill soon after and lost almost all I'd gained. I was satisfied and sold the machine foolishly thinking that was the end of that awful exercising. I went back to eating what I wanted and no workouts. The pounds slowly crept back on which eventually led to that first resolution for 2009.
We bought a home gym, my husband (who ironically works out 5 days a week, eats whatever he wants and is basically Mr. Fitness!) planned a routine for me and I got started. I also started counting calories. It was hard but I started tracking my progress...weighing and measuring each week. After about 3 weeks I started to see a real difference. It felt great and was very motivating. By the time we went to Great Wolf that March, I actually felt comfortable in my swim suit. It wasn't too much longer, however, that I stopped working out again. I felt satisfied and thought I was good. Fast-Forward to January 2010 and Repeat. By April, Kaitlyn's softball games had started and I felt there just wasn't enough time to keep up my workout schedule. I was looking better and felt things were good enough to stop anyway. See a pattern here?
So what is going to make the third time the charm? Maybe it's just the fact that I've finally accepted I can't stop. It's getting harder to see progress. After 10 weeks, I've only lost 6 lbs. It's frustrating and miserable at times. I get tired of drinking a Slim Fast every morning and eating things like steamed broccoli for lunch. After working an 8 hour day, I don't feel like coming home and working out just before I cook supper, clean the kitchen, bathe Mak and get her to bed, take a bath myself and still make time for a movie with the hubby. It's a little exhausting but I'm determined! With the days getting warmer and longer my plan is to integrate walking into my routine and I'm even considering Zumba. Whatever it takes I just know I have to keep at it this time. I am so looking forward to being able to make a new resolution for 2012! Salsa lessons anyone?
It's not that I don't WANT to do it It's just been hard to accept that I actually NEED to do it. It was never an issue when I was younger, I ate what I wanted, never exercised and life was good. Then we decided to have a baby. I had Makayla in August 2006, got a treadmill soon after and lost almost all I'd gained. I was satisfied and sold the machine foolishly thinking that was the end of that awful exercising. I went back to eating what I wanted and no workouts. The pounds slowly crept back on which eventually led to that first resolution for 2009.
We bought a home gym, my husband (who ironically works out 5 days a week, eats whatever he wants and is basically Mr. Fitness!) planned a routine for me and I got started. I also started counting calories. It was hard but I started tracking my progress...weighing and measuring each week. After about 3 weeks I started to see a real difference. It felt great and was very motivating. By the time we went to Great Wolf that March, I actually felt comfortable in my swim suit. It wasn't too much longer, however, that I stopped working out again. I felt satisfied and thought I was good. Fast-Forward to January 2010 and Repeat. By April, Kaitlyn's softball games had started and I felt there just wasn't enough time to keep up my workout schedule. I was looking better and felt things were good enough to stop anyway. See a pattern here?
So what is going to make the third time the charm? Maybe it's just the fact that I've finally accepted I can't stop. It's getting harder to see progress. After 10 weeks, I've only lost 6 lbs. It's frustrating and miserable at times. I get tired of drinking a Slim Fast every morning and eating things like steamed broccoli for lunch. After working an 8 hour day, I don't feel like coming home and working out just before I cook supper, clean the kitchen, bathe Mak and get her to bed, take a bath myself and still make time for a movie with the hubby. It's a little exhausting but I'm determined! With the days getting warmer and longer my plan is to integrate walking into my routine and I'm even considering Zumba. Whatever it takes I just know I have to keep at it this time. I am so looking forward to being able to make a new resolution for 2012! Salsa lessons anyone?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Happy Birthday Kaitlyn!
Well, it's been a super busy week and I'm writing a day early beacause tomorrow we will be celebrating my step-daughter Kaitlyn's 10th birthday. It's hard to believe she's been here for an entire decade now! Thinking about all the good times we've shared has me reflecting on my place in her life. You know how the Oscar's have the category for best "Supporting Actress"? Well, I think of myself as the "Supporting Mom" in her life. I know everyone's situation is different but in ours, Kaitlyn has an awesome mom who does everything a mother is supposed to do and then some. So I've never felt the need to take on that role. I just get to be an extra person to love and care for her and to do "mom things" for her when she's with us.
When my husband and I were first starting to get serious, he was working evenings and one night his parents were away and couldn't keep Kaitlyn. So I, wanting to be helpful (and impress him, of course), said I would watch her. We played and had a great time. Then I decided we'd take her daddy some dinner. I got Kaitlyn and her bag, grabbed the car seat and headed to my car. I got the seat all buckled in then sat her down in it. That's when I discovered this crazy contraption that I assumed was somehow supposed to strap a child into this seat. I tried and tried but could NOT figure it out. Kaitlyn was 18 months at most and even she was trying to show me how to do it. After 10 minutes we were both crying! Then somehow it finally just clicked and she was safely secured.
When you first come into a relationship with someone who has a child, you wonder, "Is this little person going to like me?" I loved her instantly but was totally clueless about kids. What did you do with them? What did they eat? How did you communicate with them when they couldn't even really talk yet? Like that car seat though, somehow it just clicked. We colored together, drew on the Magna-Doodle, did puzzles and watched lots of Blues Clues and Barney. My very first experience planning a child's birthday party was for her 2nd. I ordered a Barbie cake, bought Barbie hats, plates, blowers and everything else Barbie I could find!
I look back now and it's hard to believe I was just winging it all that time. I didn't know what I was doing but somehow it always worked out. It's ironic that it's actually been Kaitlyn who's been teaching and showing me what this whole parenting thing is all about. I feel so blessed to be part of her life and to be able to watch her grow into this amazing person. To say she's a "good kid" really doesn't do her justice. She's beautiful not only in appearance but but also in her generous heart and gentle nature. She loves her family and friends unconditionally, she's smart (straight A's), multi-talented in sports (soccer, basketball, softball). She's a great artist, always polite and respectful and bless her heart, she is PATIENT! She puts up with 2 little sisters and I can tell you that Mak pushes her to the limit!
So tomorrow we will celebrate her 10 years and I must say it's a real privilege to be "Supporting Mom" to this wonderful child. Happy Birthday Kaitlyn!!!
When my husband and I were first starting to get serious, he was working evenings and one night his parents were away and couldn't keep Kaitlyn. So I, wanting to be helpful (and impress him, of course), said I would watch her. We played and had a great time. Then I decided we'd take her daddy some dinner. I got Kaitlyn and her bag, grabbed the car seat and headed to my car. I got the seat all buckled in then sat her down in it. That's when I discovered this crazy contraption that I assumed was somehow supposed to strap a child into this seat. I tried and tried but could NOT figure it out. Kaitlyn was 18 months at most and even she was trying to show me how to do it. After 10 minutes we were both crying! Then somehow it finally just clicked and she was safely secured.
When you first come into a relationship with someone who has a child, you wonder, "Is this little person going to like me?" I loved her instantly but was totally clueless about kids. What did you do with them? What did they eat? How did you communicate with them when they couldn't even really talk yet? Like that car seat though, somehow it just clicked. We colored together, drew on the Magna-Doodle, did puzzles and watched lots of Blues Clues and Barney. My very first experience planning a child's birthday party was for her 2nd. I ordered a Barbie cake, bought Barbie hats, plates, blowers and everything else Barbie I could find!
I look back now and it's hard to believe I was just winging it all that time. I didn't know what I was doing but somehow it always worked out. It's ironic that it's actually been Kaitlyn who's been teaching and showing me what this whole parenting thing is all about. I feel so blessed to be part of her life and to be able to watch her grow into this amazing person. To say she's a "good kid" really doesn't do her justice. She's beautiful not only in appearance but but also in her generous heart and gentle nature. She loves her family and friends unconditionally, she's smart (straight A's), multi-talented in sports (soccer, basketball, softball). She's a great artist, always polite and respectful and bless her heart, she is PATIENT! She puts up with 2 little sisters and I can tell you that Mak pushes her to the limit!
So tomorrow we will celebrate her 10 years and I must say it's a real privilege to be "Supporting Mom" to this wonderful child. Happy Birthday Kaitlyn!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)